Hello and welcome to the RDM podcast.
My name is Rabbi Daniel Malinga.
We were discussing the world of men and women and we're just going to have a
sweet comfortable conversation. I decided to host two ladies along with my co-host
and on my right is a media personality, Trisa K.
She's the slim part of pick and slim.
She's also Mrs. Afimani. Oh Tio.
You're very welcome, Trisa. Thank you.
I'm dying to hear what you have to say.
Then on my left is Bella Tweeney. Bella is also a media personality.
She does this for a living so she's comfortable in front of the microphone.
Bella is also a person of many hearts. She's an influencer. Bella, you're very
welcome. Thank you so much. I'm glad to be here.
Single. Very single.
All right. And of course my co-host Afimani
Mclean. You're very welcome sir. Thank you man. Good to be back.
How does it feel to be in the same setting as your wife?
I think for us it's normal actually because we do this a lot in private
and I don't know. You guys have your personal right here.
I'm actually really glad that I've put face to the woman responsible for all
this. Oh yes. I think the conversation, this is the right conversation. We invited the right people.
Okay so ladies, I'm going to ask you both media personalities.
Briefly, is this something that you, I'll start with you, Trisa. Is it what you
always wanted to be from the time you were young?
Ah yes, definitely. I used to say, you know how you're in school and they ask you,
what do you want to be in the future? I used to say journalist ever since I was young
but also I've always been like an extrovert, very loud, very outspoken.
It's, I think the fate was decided by God for me so I just slid right into my purpose.
But what did you study in school though?
In campus I did political science and international relations,
much less. How far you've flown from that? Okay what about you Bella?
I think for me it's yes and no. So in the beginning I don't really think I even
knew what a journalist does or what kind of media space that looks like but initially
there were little things that placed me on this journey and starting with my mother for example
she would say, oh go to this radio station and you know talk to these people when you're still
young and she just wants you to go to certain places where there's young people and there's a
camera or a microphone but I'll refuse to and for me I wanted to be a lawyer because my older
sister was a lawyer and I decided to follow through but a lot of things just placed themselves
together and you found yourself, all right. So what do you think based on your personal opinions
and perception, what do you think has it harder in life, men or women?
And don't be biased, just you know, just give some serious points, what do you think has it
harder? Personally I think definitely men. I believe it's underplayed but men have it, no men
have it hard, women have it harder. Okay. Men have it hard, women have it harder so yeah I think we
can get into the details of it because okay so why I say men have it hard is because men have this
pressure from the moment they are young, they are told you have to provide, you have to do this,
you have to do that, the women are going to look up to you, rely on you and all that so there's
that pressure and for a man without money you're nothing literally so there's that pressure to
make money, to prove yourself, to have a name, to leave a legacy. Now women why I say it's harder,
it's because there's so much expectations from them from a female perspective you and also our
timeline is not as long as for men, a man has up to a hundred years to do what he has to do,
women we're limited to like the moment you're 30, already I'm approaching 30 but I can feel like
I feel like already there's so much that I am expected to have done that I still haven't
societal pressure, yes there's that pressure for women and then they tell you your clock is ticking,
it's like when women will get to 30, 35 your time is done, even in our media space you women have
it rough because you can't last long, you always be replaced by a younger woman, a younger female.
That's interesting. Yeah and yet for men I'd give you an example of this gentleman in Kenya,
he's a radio mogu, he's called Mainaka Geni. Mainaka Geni has been a radio personality till this day
but his co-hosts have been changed year in, year out, the women he began with right now they are
looking for other ways to remain relevant in the media space but he's been the mogul since
time immemorial, so for men it's kind of like you guys don't have a timeline but for us women
the moment you hit 35 they look for the next young thing. What about you Bella? I think it's two way
yes everyone has life had because in this day and age you have to have money, you have to have
these expectations from both angles but also how we get to get to this place where women also are
struggling even more is because we're taking on a bigger burden than we're supposed to actually have
so you're expected to have children, you're expected to make a home, cook, house extended
families and then also have this pressure of okay your expectations from your husband
or even from family, brothers, sisters, fathers and there's this expectation that you know girls
should take care of their fathers and men are not really not pressure is not on them it's not
really there so men are expected of course to financially provide back home but emotionally no
does that cut across or it's just in Africa? I think it's just in Africa. In the western
countries they seem to have evolved more than we are in Africa so in Africa it's still the same man
and in Africa if you're a man and you have money your problems are solved like you actually when
you have money in Africa as a man you're okay but as a woman you have to have a husband when you
have a husband you have to get children when you get children you have to you have to nature you
have to there's all this and then to make matters worse I don't know if I should mention this now
men are becoming women and they want to take what little we have as women they're competing
in women's sports and taking our sport they're being named the women of the year for being this
gentleman Caitlin was named woman of the year after one year of being a woman yet I've been a woman
for my 29 years of my life where is my woman of the year? Your husband has given it to you
you know women? I don't I think both parties I would say both parties but it's dependent
on the perspective I always like perspective I think it's dependent on perspective that's why
she can say the western world has gone far ahead and so for them it's different in the African
culture it's different because they're still looking at a certain kind of society and roles I
think for me the question of who has it harder comes from the beat of the purpose okay the purpose
of either the man or the woman if that purpose is not understood and the roles are not understood
and the relevance is not understood you have a clash okay so it ends up becoming a competition
and that competition has now graduated into what we're having now which is feminism chauvinism
so the men are saying we're having it harder because abcd the women are saying we're having it
harder because of abcd I think it's because when we go and try and understand the reasons why
this party is saying they're having it harder these are the parties having it harder and
whatsoever at some point it might come down to the roles and the purpose that each party is supposed
to be playing so when a woman at some point for example would want to end up playing let's say
the role of a man either directly or indirectly you will find that at some point you have to deal
with the pressures that a man would have to deal with to be in those shoes it's the same thing
with the gentleman okay so for me addressing it would be from perspective and especially purpose
because once that is lost then the definition of whatever is raised is also lost it's confused
so we don't know what we're arguing about we don't know what we're fighting for because like she's
saying feminists are saying abcd and we don't intend for this discussion to center on feminism
and chauvinism but i'm just saying when you have a situation where the ladies are saying you want
a man you want a man but then everything that used to define a man or that men thought define them
over roles that were played by men can now be played by women so now what is the man supposed to do
okay then the the women are frustrated because of that and they feel like you're not being
man enough i mean you go out on a dinner date the guy honestly honestly he has 20 000 you
know you have 60 000 if you decide to take care of the bill and you keep rubbing it in his face
every time you get an opportunity chances i can guarantee you the next time is not going to make
that move when it doesn't make that move is not being man enough you know um the bible says that
he chose the boundaries of a habitation so you didn't choose your sex okay you came into this
world with it the gender is the role attached to the sex now the two types the two types of
roles there are inherent roles you're born with them um i have a i have a two-year-old daughter
who carries her teddy bear and she keeps on saying baby okay it's inherent no one has thought her
that but then there are assumed roles now assumed roles can cut across culture place and so on and
so forth and so the arguments usually i i don't think they cannot be an argument on an inherent
role you played no role in deciding it but the arguments then are assumed roles and so on but
which brings me to a point that you brought across money you know the way the way we perceive
money as as men and women is so different and it's the role it plays and okay so we have uh you
two are married i'm married and bella is is is going to be mine he's on her way
on her way to mind and and you know the importance of of finances in in a relationship but even
for you as an individual yeah how do ladies perceive money not only for them as individuals
but the role it plays in choosing a partner
you know from the society i come from of course i've evolved as a person yes i have evolved
but the society i come from they say money is not everything it's the only thing
um and this is because yeah much as money is not everything at least it can solve most of your
problem not love love can't solve love you can find love along the way because you're not gonna
eat love you're not gonna pay bills with love you're not gonna feed your kids on love in fact for
women when money is not there the love tends to die even further but it's it's because men ideally
are meant to be providers so now if the woman is has been put in a position where she has to
provide that's initially that's not her role she's supposed to help and yeah there are times when
maybe things won't go well for the man and the woman has to step in but that doesn't have to be
so um 99 of the time so when it comes to choosing a partner for women and i understood this um i
didn't know before but i realized that we look for security you know you look for when the partner
comes you want to see can can he sustain me can he sustain our children um is does he have something
for me to be able to take and multiply it does it have to be physical because what if um you know i'm
a dreamer and in a couple of years i'll be there but it also matters what are you doing about it
because some men will tell you i am i want to be this and then you ask him what are you doing
about it and i'm waiting on the lord that does not work for me you have to be doing something i'm
sure you meet a lot of rules yes and a couple of times i always think it is important for a man to
provide and most times even as a woman if you have your own money it's important that this individual
also has something to add on to you because there's always that um difficulty when the other individual
cannot provide especially if it's a man because you are now having to take on that burden to
sustain all of you and being a woman you're not going to handle that burden all by yourself so
you need this individual to come in with extra support and make sure that both of you are sustained
and keep on being healthy money wise yes would you would you date a person who has less money than
if they have the dream like she said if they have the dream of
be careful there many people that's a tricky question that's a tricky question but where i am
right now no i can't okay okay let them say you just let me be okay okay surprisingly right but i don't
even know i've never known how much my husband thanks for being all i know is that he's able to
provide and that's enough for me because since i met him i don't think i even know what the house
rent is up to this day many women saying amen to that amen okay so so so you would you would you
would uh you you would have no issue would you have an issue dating someone who has a man who
who's making less than you are i wouldn't okay it would be a strange feeling but um i believe
if he has the potential and he's working towards becoming better i wouldn't mind dating him because
my mom used to add more than my dad but somehow yeah there was that respect and and bella you've
said that's nice you've said nah that was a tricky question bella yeah but i right now where i'm
no i can't afford to date someone who is earning less than yeah yes and even when i get extra money
most times i don't look up to myself to make those decisions of where this money is going to go
sometimes i ask my brothers or my dad because they have more investment ideas than i would initially
so they know where they've put money and it has worked and which i haven't done so i'm imagining
if you have less money than i do then what kind of advice are you going to give me and you see the
worst thing about for us women is when you get into sort of like a fix and your man is not the
first thing on your mind first if you're dating someone and it's not the first thing that comes
to your mind when you're in a fix just think to like run because you know the way god created men
men are we're dreamers and that's why one time i was giving an example and i explained that in the
bible from a biblical context and this is just an example you will never find um uh you you will
never find a blind woman you'll find many blind men mentioned in scripture it's not that they were
not there during the time but the bible is trying to figure out a point uh the devil attacks men
from the point of vision correct and then you'll find a lot of of barren women but no important
man yeah because the devil attacks women from the point of of that so we have we have vision
bearers and like she's saying if i'm if you're with dating a guy and and you're in a fix and is not
the first person on your mind yeah if it's guy number two maybe guy number two should be the one
back marking should be the one that you i'm sure this podcast is going to get the most views
because of this discussion but our prayer and hope is that at the end of the day it will help
someone like properly help you and align you so the question of money in a relationship i like
the answer she gave in terms of potential if a guy has potential and i say this because we are
at does it every guy have potential that's the thing it's just like when you have a talent
and you don't nurture it and you're not serious about it if your vision is not clear then you'll
get lost it's just going to be a dream there's a difference between having a dream and a vision
you understand a vision keeps you on the path you're focused you know what to do you have goals
to achieve that vision when it's a dream well it can happen or it cannot happen and so for me i'll
just say for example because i know there's definitely someone out there a guy you think
you don't have enough money this lady seems to be interested and you're wondering okay so what
are you guys saying for example what i'd say is let's borrow a leaf from like what you're saying
let's go back to the beginning let's go back to the genesis when things started when manu is created
he had his role like you're saying he was the vision bear but the lord knew at some point he can't do
it alone he needs a helper and so he brought the woman the idea behind the woman is supposed to be
to help the man women naturally are natural they're in nature okay and so because of that and we've
all had this you know you give a woman a house she gives you a home you give her this you know you
give her food and she gives you a meal and stuff like that but nowadays nowadays you can give her
something and she goes well let's go and let's go okay it's a tricky situation the wisdom behind that
is and this is my advice to someone who has the challenge because i know these days a lot of that
is up and going because of the economic situation but my advice to you would be if you find someone
who believes in your dream which you can convert into a vision okay and you two agree that you can
move on with this i would suggest the leader that you have okay get your money plan it well
take care of what you need to take care of pull out some of it give it to this woman there is
something my wife knows this there are times when i get money i know what i'll do with the money
i know what's for investment but i also know the time when i've locked my mind and said
nope i've been seeing something since beginning of month i have to get it it doesn't matter what
you understand so my trick is get the money pass it on to her because in her mind she knows we're
building a home her first thought is not going to be oh what can i buy or what can i whatever
for her she'll be thinking in terms of the future i need to think about the food for tomorrow
about the home and stuff like that and in a way it's helping you as the guy so now you don't
have to break your head in terms of okay so how do i do this and the moment you and this is a
trick for guys i was having a conversation with someone just i think yesterday about the same
because they asked me a similar question and i said you see the thing you need to understand
about reminiscing the moment you will do that you have just shown her that she can trust you and you
trust her and if there's anything that we're gonna look in for and they can say i want to believe
among the top on the list is trust but you know you know you know you've kind of said the reverse
of what traditional men understand i know i know and it's intentional the woman would come and give
them there the little money that they have they would hold on to it and and now we're doing the
reverse so you're saying you'd hand over your finances to your wife not all of them yes and
that's very important and you have no finances but let me ask let me ask because we're still
talking about and i find this interesting um you've been ladies all your life i hope
uh hey nowadays nowadays you have to be careful tell me to assure you man now now um
based on your experience uh who are more complicated to deal with christian guys
or non-christians i've thrown you guys i i know the answer to that i wish i could answer
very very very honest no one is judging christian guys christian guys because um
okay i understand where they're coming from but you see guys in the world they are very direct
they'll tell you to your face take it or leave it is what i want um this is what i want us to do
this is the one night thing they when he's eating on you he will tell you man good can we go home
what but then a christian christian guys would tend to from an experience would tend to hide behind
the whole christianity thing you know says a roost entered boys exactly you know and and try and
justify their actions using the word don't cry and when he knows he can't do something he's like
you know i'm i'm waiting on the lord and you ask him okay while you wait on the lord what is it that
you're doing for the lord to bless and he's like you know i have to fast wait for the lord to give
me direction on whether to do this business or if you have the money just do it you know um if
you're pursuing a woman and especially when it comes to vibing women my god christian guys need
like jesus they need a master class because this is a serious issue no you're not going to come to
me and you're telling me oh you are the apple of god's eye and what no you look at me and tell me
man chick you're sexy you look good i like your legs and like you know but they're so
caged up in the whole like they're very religious when it comes to it and that's why you find guys
out there just sweeping their christian ladies like a broom like a broom dela you agree with that
yes because i have had the chance of interacting with both so the thing with christian men i find
very very awkward and some some christian some some christian men is forgive me but what i find
very cringe is someone will not tell you what they feel for years and by the time they tell you
you've moved on you have brought that but don't you already know that you've personed them haven't
you learned how to discern you could you could tell we want to tell people who like you but i don't
want you to i don't want to assume and then come to you and vibe you because you're not supposed to
do that i'm not the one supposed to oh you look good man but surely the guy is like that in the
world as well yes they are but i think the difference now is i mean those ones i don't really care
because if you have interested me tell me right that's that's what we're looking for so if you
have interest in someone you tell them you communicate something that christian some christian
men have not really learned to do and i also think it's because of um how religion blankets
conversations and how so when they blanket those conversations it's very difficult for
a man and a woman to have an actual conversation on what love really entails what the future really
entails so you just have find yourselves having surface conversations hello hi you look good you
look goodbye have you watched this movie yeah so really not a conversation you want
and i feel like i feel like um um we have a lot to learn uh secular does not mean god is not in it
i don't know how to explain it yeah um uh there are things that are secular that can be used to your
advantage um going to watch a movie like mission impossible just an example taking someone out for
that i've met guys who are like man i wish there were cinemas where they could show you know passion
of christ i would take you're taking this chick that you're interested in and you're taking
out a passion of christ and so yeah so it can be secular but still have an advantage that it builds
for you um i think they need to be you know uh they when ladies are getting married they spend a lot
of time they are nurtured from the time they were young to be wives and to submit the guys find their
way in life especially if they don't have someone over them which brings us back to the issue that
you are talking about of of purpose you know uh first of all god made a man adam and made him male
that's and then made eve and made her female then put the two together okay and so
so each each side has its place in society that builds the kingdom of god on the face of this
earth we're not supposed to be uh separate from each other in that sense now there are people who
are called to be single or you can decide to do that but when it comes to building a family
the kingdom way the examples are given to us in scripture but and i'm going to bring you
into this but it's clear that each one of us male and female have challenges okay and
as guys and we're talking about money
women you said find security in finances men find esteem and i've been you know i made a lot
of people so i'll sit down with a lot of people have issues in in relationships and i'll say you
listen sometimes the absence of money causes more trouble uh all the troubles that you see
might be because of either the lack or sometimes even the presence of of finances and men find
esteem from it and women find uh security from it so when it's removed let me use the example of
it being removed the finances are removed from a from a relationship what will happen is a man
will feel especially if the lady seems to be meeting the needs and he isn't for some reason
he'll feel emasculated now the lady herself will look at the guy and naturally see him as
emasculated okay the worst thing that woman can do is to shout at that guy and tell him what are you
doing you're not even a man because you're beating him twice he's he's beating himself up it's just
that he's not speaking about it yeah or he's reacting and then secondly you're adding you're
kicking a man who's already who's already down and this is where these conversations these are
conversations that we need to have as as christian men and women to understand that money is a spirit
that needs to be uh they need you need to be taught how to submit that spirit to you and bring it
and let ensure that its presence inside a relationship does not overshadow the relationship
itself and that's with the presence or the absence of it you you guys can add on to this
because i'm i'm seeing and you ask okay in line with that what's the biggest challenge
for you as women what would you say is the biggest challenge
the biggest challenge in this world the way that it's set up currently what would you say
okay one of one of the biggest challenges that you face as a lady okay first is the pressure to marry
and second is when the children come it's mostly on the women and that's that to me is a big
challenge because two days ago i just told my mom i am scared of motherhood and i'm still getting
lectured about it you're scared of motherhood yeah and and you see the thing is that i'm going to get
to you bella the biggest challenge to pappas when it comes to women is the moment they get they get
married and get children oh my god men usually continue along that path but a lot of ladies give
up their giftings and so on and become mothers which in itself is a purpose but it's not the
part of it it's part of it it's not the ultimate what's what's the challenge for you as i think for
me the challenge at the moment is providing which initially shouldn't be my challenge right
but providing for the ones that come after you the younger siblings and so you take you take a
just just a brief summary you are taking care of your siblings okay um your parents they are as well
so my dad does but there's certain limitations so for instance he is upcountry and i'm here where the
children study from so you have to make sure that they are not sick at school they are you know not
being chased for you know to show and and where you can sometimes you find yourself providing
even when your dad hasn't asked for you to provide it's just in you as an older sibling to say okay i
know they're struggling in this area so let me go ahead and do this before them yeah okay so it's
so for you either challenge would be provision but let me ask because both of you are corporate
women you're working what about within the corporate field um like i said before um
especially when it comes to media because now me i mean i'm both in media and marketing marketing
you can survive in fact marketing they even prefer women who have been in the game for long
because the longer you're there the more you learn the more you know the more you grow up the ranks
but when it comes to media especially when it comes to cameras okay of course nowadays times
have changed but for the most part there's that pressure to perform while you're still young
the pressure to break through while you're still young the pressure to be relevant while you're
still young because in the media world they will go for the looks and beauty for beauty they will go
for the younger one they will and it's it's a no-brainer you will see it every single day
it's like your relevance in the media world is limited to a certain time period the moment that
time period gets done and it's one of the things that i was scared about getting married i think i
once went to rabbi and told him i know this gentleman i met wants me to get married but
i feel like as soon as you get married it's like um you get married and somehow the media industry
loves women when they're they're they're single oh yes yes yes they love women when they're single
because there you're able to they're able to send you to certain places do yeah you're able to compromise
on so many things um if they want to get the deal done they'll just send you but now you're
married there are certain limitations and then to make matters worse the moment you get pregnant
oh my gosh it all now comes crashing down because you're no longer looking the way you used to you
can no longer appear on the screen it's just it's complicated for women in media in that aspect so
that that for me was quite a challenge i had to look through myself and i asked myself oh my gosh
am i going to make it in the media world if i get married will i make it if i get pregnant so those
are those are the thoughts that run through your mind as a woman in in our world and bella you you're
single so so surely there must be times you've had to say no oh yes to come to compromise um
how how have you enjoyed that so the difficulty is when you say no then this client or this
individual will sideline you on each and every project because they know your answer is a no
and the other thing is as a woman who is single in the media space you're expected to be 360 all
round you have to have the beauty the brains you have to be able to cram like i think 100
documents at the same time and deliver the way those documents are you have to make sure that
there's a lot of pressure really and also the other thing is it's a male dominated field so you'll
find yourself being in the middle of a wolf pack and you're the only woman there so most times you
shut you shut down so once you air out your your complaints or your disgruntlement there's a lot of
what's wrong with that woman right you're not woman enough you you shout too much
please calm down calm down yeah and it's very difficult because now you find yourself having to
be both manly and womanly at the same time yeah and you know mac you're going to you're going to
help me with this because the reason why some men in the corporate world will look at women
uh like the way you've described is because we've been brought up especially in traditional
settings to see roles a particular way okay so i know a group of ladies in because i was once in
the working field and the lady will say i can do what any man can do in this yeah in this workplace
can do all right i can do what any man can do and the guy maybe the boss will say hey man this job
here i don't think this lady will be able to handle it and it's not that he's being sexist
true it's he's respecting your your role and your place and you're saying for example if you're
going to carry heavy things you say no no no oh my dear Bella yeah why why why spoil your hands
you know to create that balance is very difficult in this current age um mac you can add on to that
because you're in the corporate world too yes yes and for me it's just unfortunate that we live in
a world where men have for the most part they objectify women you understand when you say a woman is
good most times they're saying she looks good not she's good at a bcd you understand and
unfortunately unfortunately also for the women because it's not purely a problem or a challenge
that men have created let's just be honest about that women have also played a role in you know
what's the name of the situation because now if you look at social media for example now
every woman to get attention you have to show some skin you have to check some behind and you
understand because you've they feel like this is what will get the attention but you're getting
the attention of the wrong people not the people who will actually treat you for a woman who you
should be they're treating you for what you can offer and once they get a test of what you can
offer then you're useless you have no more value and that's where the challenge comes in but to go
back to the corporate world setting and that's also what I was thinking about the balance
men naturally a vision and so if you're a smart man and you have a business or you run a business
when you have ladies okay as part of your staff you should be smart enough to know how to apportion
roles now when you give out let's say roles without weighing people's individual strengths because
it's also not true that all men can do everything you understand there are some roles that women
can play much better than men so you need to be smart enough to know like mostly finances yes
exactly I was about to accounting you should be smart enough to know that this role is for women
this role is for men and I say that because I've been in that environment for a long time over 10
years over 12 years and I've seen okay but because I have this kind of understanding I know when okay
I think that's as much why because naturally women are more emotional than men and at some
point with certain things and in a work environment that kicks in and the moment it kicks in now
this is one one thing the other thing which I'm putting this on the side because I'm going
to come back to it the other thing is women have they go through body changes they have body
experiences okay we all know about the time of the month and we know that occasionally they'll have
mood changes it's really it's not their fault it's the hormones you understand if you have a
combination of all of that in an environment and it's already heated and there's a lot of
pressure and whatsoever you're bound not to get the results you're looking for in such an environment
the men always thrive better so how do you deal with it you understand exactly that's what I'm
saying so first of all even before you assign roles you need to first understand this role that I'm
putting this woman on can she handle a hundred percent even when we turn the heat on all the way
up can she handle or not okay if she can't then who do I team her up with that at some point they
have to tag team because she has a strength she has a strength otherwise at some point she will
break down okay and then it trickles down into the result and what will be the conclusion
I see this is why we don't hire women but this is why is it but you see rabbi
back to what you are saying like certain roles especially in the corporate world
so you'll find that when it comes to client service it's mostly women who get client service because
the the clients or the high the people who are the higher the top the coos the CEOs the brand
managers are mostly men and if you have the client service me as because me I'm a client
service I'm a senior client service you find that men are more gentle to women or women are able to
deal to calm them down so client service you find women do well with client service
then when it comes to the digital space or the graphic space or the creative space it's
mostly the men that are there because of yes so it's guys who are usually in the
creative space then it comes to finances also it's the men then when it comes to women it's usually
women women are better accountants but I don't know why managers the people trust them for I
usually find that in the accounting world especially for us in agencies there is one guy
who's at the top and then he's led by a team of women but there's usually a guy at the top
but mostly it's because he has in our world in the marketing space men know how to
manipulate the numbers so to speak yeah and that's why some companies will put women because
they're more trustworthy with money exactly and just just before we move on from this subject
because I feel this we are not saying okay that because when someone gives an example like you've
given innocent and said client service is a lady the CEO is a guy I know someone's mind already
ticked off and said you see that's what we're talking about why is the guy the CEO and this lady
the client service that's not what we're saying what we're saying is as a smart business person
as a smart business owner get the two way the strengths put whoever suits which role better
in that role you understand because for me personally that's how I did I don't if you're not
suited for the role of managing you're not a good project manager why should I put you there
it doesn't matter whether you're a man or a woman what we want is for you to deliver results
and it's a good thing because nowadays we have we definitely have so many women who are in power
nowadays but the unfortunate thing in today's society I feel like women have been empowered so
much so but no one is empowering the man to learn how to accept or deal with this woman who
so there's a lot of mishap Bella do you think do you think it is easier for men and women to work
together than women and women to work together especially in the corporate setting yeah I think
they can all work together if the background of that working together is grounded in good people
like they should be good people because so it has nothing to do with the gender it has to do
with the character with the character of the individual because you'll find it very difficult
for women and women to work together in the corporate setting because there's a lot of jealousy
competition she's younger than me I'm better that's a today she got a new shoe so there's those
mini mini things that people look out for but if they were good people they would also realize
or have this internal self-reflection and say okay I felt jealous so I should do better as an
individual same as men I think but I think because men move on faster from things they're like
so let me make money and get that thing for myself which is different for women because
they always think she has a sugar daddy that's where she got it from how do you deal with that
because I had a chat with a lady who was telling me that you don't know what us ladies go through
you go through school ace everything you're good at your job you're promoted on merit
and someone will always whisper she's left with the boss how do you deal with that I think you
just move it's part of life it's part of life you just move with your head it's an unfortunate
part of unfortunately so as long as you know where you got your things from you should just
be proud and whoever wants to know that story should just come to you direct instead of but
isn't it isn't okay what about this side where someone is promoting you simply because
they want to take advantage of you I haven't been in that situation it's unfortunate
personally the situations have been in is where someone is offering you a tv show deal but they're
asking you to first spend a weekend with them then you can get the job and I think it has happened
twice which is unfortunate because at that point you're so desperate to get a tv gig like you want
that break and now you're thinking you know what a week a weekend and they say the entertainment
industries it has it has a lot of that it has it's so if you don't have connections like family
connections or someone from your family that can connect your friend close friend most of the time
you find that women have to compromise on themselves to be able to get a gig and the higher you go the
more compromises you make because once you make one compromise and you know social media is a lie
because you'll see very many people's influencers tv personalities leaving the dream but for us who are
especially if you have a marketing agency's background you know that these people don't
make enough to afford that lifestyle so someone somewhere is making compromise and there's that
pressure because once you become like an influencer and you gain like a couple of
followers on social media then you're looking at people who are like the kim kadasians and so many
other social society icons and figures on on instagram there's that pressure to to to look
like that to be seen in a plane to dubai to be seen in a five star hotel but you can't afford that
and our profession also unfortunately in Uganda the media doesn't make doesn't have that kind of
money it doesn't have that much actually most people it's not unless you get like an endorsement
from a big company and even the endorsement maybe you'll get what 50 million for six months
still not enough to sustain you to go to dubai every week every now and then so you find that
women make so many compromises especially in our profession which is unfortunate but yeah it is what
it is man and even as a christian woman and as a christian woman and if you don't make compromises
then you go through the longer route and you work twice thrice as much as you ordinarily would
to get because the fame getting the fame you'll just do a tiktok video you are you are an overnight
sensation but how do you translate those 1.2 million views into money there's no money so you
have to find a way i think i think the industry is generally set up against against first of all
against uh christians especially entertainment industry yeah um you don't front religion do you
guys front it's actually you find that when you front religion you lose a lot of really yeah
you front religion you lose gigs and then there's all this entire thing of we are all inclusive
so there are certain things that the opinions you can't put for the table because they will
tell you you're not being all inclusive we are all inclusive we have to be sensitive
to these people which really doesn't make sense to me because why am i being sensitive to you
simply because you like another guy i like the same guy why are you not being sensitive towards me
you know and it's unfortunate so and then there's so many rules that have come into the
media and marketing space because most of our companies are now have been bought by international
companies so they've come with their set of rules so you you have to watch what you say you have to
watch what you post um if you become too religious then they put you in the background um if you
express your christian views on on radio you are told to limit that or on tv so it's really
unfortunate to be a christian and be you agree with that as well definitely i mean i think she falls
more onto the advertising scene and i do journalism a lot so on this end there is a lot of questioning
a lot of biblical things right so they deal a lot to do more with research so it's very difficult for
you to have a conversation with someone around christianity and they don't ask okay where did
this come from i want the evidence of these i want this fact checked i want you know i want the
evidence of god's existence and all this but now the other difficulty is you will find yourself
waddling in conversations because you don't want to offend or be in a space where people are saying
holy person or i can't have a conversation with this is fact finders right yes yes okay that makes
a lot of sense so so it's very difficult to dispute some things because then people are saying
but you're a fact checker why would even start saying having such conversations you know if it's
about if it's about certain topics it's very difficult for you to have them unless unless
you're you're saying okay this is offer code you're just having a conversation i didn't say i didn't
yeah so yeah that's that's the media for you every now and then you'll see that the world of feminism
is also pushing for that agenda of because recently i saw someone's social media platforms
put into one folder and each folder had a name so one was called last one was called gluttony
one as what yes and it's it's the fact it's the truth i mean instagram is you have to be wealthy
to show off you have to be wealthy you have to be pretty and you have twitter you have to lie you
have to but that's jenry for ladies so i'll give you an example i always tell people that um
when i when a girl is born the moment she's born she's born with value now all of us are born
with value from a spiritual perspective but i'm talking about from a societal perspective
so they'll say oh this is a beautiful girl oh lovely girl and from day one she's valuable
when a guy is born he's not born with value in the same way the lady is from a societal
perspective his value increases the older he gets and the more responsibility he has
so the more he's responsible the more society considers him you know valuable but ladies are
born with value okay but you see rabbi um back to what i had said earlier that men have it hard
and women have it harder now men they can crack their hard bit by getting money at least when
you have money you 90 you can but you presume that getting money is easy i don't know what is it
no i'm just i'm just saying like for guys their biggest challenge is i have to get money yes now
for us women um our challenges start from i don't know um you find that women nowadays women lack
self-esteem because there is a certain preference men have to women oh a type of woman a type of a
woman so you find guys they will prefer a light-skinned looking women so a big percentage of women
are bleaching then men will say we prefer women who have bunda a huge percentage of women are dying
from bbl surgeries then in the media world they want you to be young but then they will say we
don't do this for men we do this for our own no that's a that's a lie that's a lie because me as a
woman i don't care whether you have a big part or what you're a woman i'm a woman but now because
the preferences for us we are unfortunately we are our desire is what what what does the guy want
is what you want him to see you want him to be satisfied when he sees you um and if a guy tells
you okay you find a group of guys saying man that chick that chick has bunda and you feel somehow inferior
or like this lady who did the young famous in african kanyin law kanyin bow she expressed this
openly and she said i bleached because i tried getting gigs in the media world and i couldn't
get them i bleached i started getting gigs you know which is unfortunate um that kind of preference
has really like there's so many things that work against a woman that your timeline is so limited
if you're older then you have to look a certain way if you're not um if you're if you're young
then you have to look a certain way but then then then we'll bring that because i'm going to bring
in mucky because i was explaining that a man gets value as he he the older he gets and the more
responsibility he has and so it's it's going to take him a while he has to go through campus
through it and all that to get some financial power unless he's born into a wealthy family or
something like that but setaris paribas all things remain in constant so he has to continue
going up the scale now a lady will have this value be stored on her um from the day that she's born
she would probably have done nothing okay but i say you know your your beautiful lady take care
of yourself and your value and all that which is fine now all that time this boy hasn't been told
his value boy yet all right so you will hit a peak of about maybe 25 or something like that
okay and and since you are young you've had all this attention okay all these boys coming out
like to work meanwhile this guy because he doesn't have the money he doesn't have the responsibility
he doesn't have access to older girls all right and just when he's reaching the peak you're tired
so he's reaching his peak and says now that i have money i am getting them i'm getting all these
girls and that's why i always say that ladies kind of always have a plan b
if money has failed if the job has failed it's not a good thing though but
there are other avenues either daddy will give me money or or sugar daddy will give me money
it's it's someone guys well nowadays there's sugar mommy who guys but even finding the guys don't
really man it's it's there's no plan b understand you have to find a way marky you can add on to it
and that's why i said for me it's perspective now i don't and my wife knows this my sisters
know this i have sisters i was raised by a single mom so i understand what it means
when we say the society has been corrupted in a way to sort of favor the man you understand
so so you believe it's patriarchal yes so i know what i'm saying so it's not as if oh because
he's a guy but what you're saying is what i also believe the fact that okay now we were shedding
a light on the women we've shed that light so much that women go to the point at first it was about
competition it go to the point where now okay now we are equal now it wants to go overboard
way beyond even the equal now you know doing what men do is no longer enough
behaving like men is no longer enough like you still there's just a bit of and there's a bit of
women in that category who feel the need to want to show the man that they could have been men
but which could not happen understand now saying that while all this attention was being focused
on the women which was good and this was because of ignorance because i had our four fathers fully
understood the purpose of a woman and a man they would have learned to coexist and make the environment
favorable for both because then we would move faster okay things would become more successful
faster but that was on them now we have to clean up that mess okay and so we shed so much light on
the women that we forgot the man and this is the truth and no one or most people don't know this
because men in just their nature they don't speak they're not like women so when they're
facing something they won't come out even when you have a guy friend and you're trying to have
a conversation with them you really need to know how to talk and have conversation with people
to pull it out of them and understand that this is what he's dealing with so for me in my research
and interactions with people i summarized it in two three things which is what i call vip crisis
which is things you've mentioned value crisis identity crisis and papa's crisis and this is
what men are suffering with that indirectly the fact that he doesn't have the money like you said
and society is looking at him like this like someone who doesn't have value even when he
has a genuine dream and he can convert it into vision that alone will shadow his ego it will kill
it that the potential that you would have gotten out of him or what would have resulted out of that
well not as long as the society keeps giving him that kind of look now when such a person doesn't
reach out or doesn't seek for help it becomes worse and all of those build up when he doesn't
know who he is he feels he doesn't have value doesn't understand his role anymore because now
initially like what society used to do our fathers were the ones who would provide okay they would be
the ones who'd bring in the money and whatever and our mothers would look after the families and
now the women can also do that so there's a confusion so the men are mixing roles and papa's
what is my papa's what is my role i'm not sure so now they're also stuck but no one can come to
their rescue because you're supposed to be a man you know there's always that statement of be a man
so the question is what is what does it mean to be a man you understand and it moves on to
relationships as well so you have all of these that men have grown up with like you say it's
bundled up in there that now he has become a man but he never learned how to deal with
these other things before that tomorrow when he gets into a relationship and the woman tries to
speak up not shouting trying to bring a point he will interpret it as an insult he will interpret
it as demeaning and the next thing we know it's domestic violence any action any point that the
woman tries to bring his assessment in his mind is based on what has been built in his subconscious
and so he looks at things differently and then when he takes that kind of attitude into a relationship
and this is the thing that women need to understand about men and everybody most men have two
personalities the one that is fronted and the one that is inside which sits and unless your
man tells you about it chances are you'll never know about it now these I like to equate it to
superheroes men love superheroes okay we love action heroes and there's a reason why because
we relate with that because you don't like something that you're not you know you can't relate with
so we love superheroes because what we don't also understand is that subconsciously why we're
loving superheroes is because they have these two characters and they're always with these two
characters these two personalities they will always have a result they can always get an answer
so let me give an example of batman and bruce wane so you have batman is the superhero he comes out
he has no weaknesses he's powerful he can do whatever bruce wane has weaknesses but what will
bruce wane do whenever bruce wane wants to come out into society and want to be accepted because
society is looking for a superhero because that's what men are supposed to be he will front batman
and not bruce wane but when the woman gets married she's not getting married to batman
she's getting married to bruce wane and then she finds out that bruce wane has weaknesses
and that's where the issue is because what should have been dealt with was not dealt with and so
for me an advice to men out there because I see our time we're already one hour in I don't know
we got there but for men learn the habit especially if you're married or even if you have a girlfriend
okay because I remember with my wife I was open from day one the moment we met I told her what my
plan is what my vision is how I intend to do it and what server it's clear I'm not yet there but
I'm getting there just give me some time watch me and it's not a force you want to align with it fine
you don't think that this dream or vision makes sense please but I'm doing something about it
like she said okay but we need to learn to my wife likes to use this word let the women in
so that they can help to lift off some of this burden that society has grown to put on us you
understand that it's okay for you to say look sometimes we I know men don't want to hear this
but you all know it is the truth that sometimes we don't know we have no idea but the pressure
most times we don't know but the pressure is there everybody's expecting results this is how
if your father was not at home and there was an issue everyone would be waiting for when his
daddy coming when his daddy coming even when daddy has not been told what the issue is the
assumption is just when daddy shows up there'll be a solution what we don't understand is that is
putting pressure that even when he has no answer he has to try and figure out something you know
but especially like for men or for people who are dating and you know this is someone you want
to settle with if you want to have a relationship that works that does not strain any of you learn
to have these conversations and it's okay it does not make you weak it actually makes you stronger
because and then you take this burden off and you have more space to create and to move forward
you understand so it's okay for you to come and say look I know there is a bcd but I haven't yet
learned how to deal with my emotions you understand I don't know how to express them this way so
I'm getting there like give me some time don't be too harsh on me if I'm you understand and
then sometimes there are things I don't know give me time because when you come to me and you're
saying yeah I know you said we're going to start a business but now it's been one year with the
business you know man we sat down I drew the plan I showed you the plan I showed you how much
capital we need you see me going to work every day you know how much I earn you understand you
have an idea does it look to you like I'm not trying you understand but those kind of conversations
help so this bit of living in a world that society created just so that we can say I'm a man I'm a
woman I think that's where there's a big problem let me ask a question to the ladies uh what do you
think if you could point out one thing that you think men struggle to understand about ladies
what do you think it is the fact that we say what we want without saying it and that's the
problem yeah you see now because you'll find and that's why we I really advocate for premarital
counseling because I think for us it really helped us because the counselor was able to kind of give
him direction because most of the time your woman will be arguing with you about something that
is completely not what you guys are arguing about it doesn't usually make sense let's just make
sense because you're there as a guy and you're wondering what is your problem what did I even
say sorry for something else yeah what is your problem and and you know and that's it's so unfortunate
because for us we try we we know what we want but we're not saying it so you're picking up a fight
with you know with your husband and maybe all you want is to tell him that you're hungry or maybe
you want him to spend more time with you but then it comes off as an argument about you did not
compliment my hairstyle or you're not wearing shoes right like how do you sort that out now
because we're not mind readers yeah you're not mind readers I think it's just um for me my husband
would just sit me down and ask me what do you really want what is this about what is this truly
about because you see um you'll start an argument and then at the end of the day is when he realizes
oh maybe she's in that time of the month and I asked her to do something and she just chopped off
a wire and she wasn't telling me that it's that time of the month unfortunately so it's it's so
unfortunate for you guys but it's something you're going to answer that question I think now the beauty
is communication which most people are not able to get like he said how do women how are women
letting in and then naturally that communication thing out of the men that are the second personality
and I think for me the problem that I have being where I am right now in the corporate world it's
very difficult to meet someone and have an authentic conversation because they're going to try and
please you by talking about the gdp the superheroes yeah they're going to talk about things that are
so supernatural they're trying to impress you with the alarms yes and yet you want just a genuine
conversation talk about anything else but the gdp because that's that's what you've been trying to
look at data whatever for christian guys it's bible oh my god we're impressed with the bible yeah
and it's very boring and you get that you get that a lot and people will send you good night's messages
saying how the lord and the sun and the moon and the angels and whatever just say good night just
say good night see you tomorrow but then you know you know some some advice there's a need like for
you to mention scripture and I think for christian some of the christian men for them they they think
that that's what you want to hear but you can actually um have a conversation with a woman
because for us we love that emotional connection having like a like you want to tell him everything
you want you want to have a conversation and then you want him to hear you want to hear him telling
you you know it's gonna be okay everything isn't fine I got you girl what but now if I'm telling you
all these things and you're telling me you know the lord was with Joseph and he did not leave him
I don't want to hear that and I'd also say but as guys um for christian girls you know
you don't have to wear a gown up to you know
you understand it as in yes yes dress nice and but put on some makeup do your hair
we are not jesus and this is for both this is for both for both gender like for both genuine
genders let's leave the confusion out guys we are a three-dimensional being let's stop
over dwelling on the spirit you understand this you're quoting this we're not saying scriptures
but we can quote scripture all we want you understand but understand that we're living
in a world where we're interacting with the body as well you understand so talk about that
you understand I usually like to tell people trust me when you're going to make babies
there is a standard format that format has no holy ghost painted on it or jesus painted on it
you understand and that's just the truth and there's a way god made it that way it's not evil
it's not wrong it's not bad you're also there's a reason yes there's a realm of your glory listen
there's a reason there's a reason why god gave women ships there's a reason why he gave them
that body and there's a reason why guys have the kind of body they have so it makes no sense to
have that there and it's never noticed it's never complimented it's never appreciated you know like
you're saying in terms of making it up and dressing it up and look like come on man come on let's wake
up get out of the spirit be here you know there are times at home there are times at home there are
times at home we would have conversations and well guys guys guys let's get out of the spirit
we are here in the natural let's talk in the natural I think this would be one of those conversations
like you see that the misconception is that is that spirit cannot be portrayed in natural no
you see that's mr constipation so when you say that yes I understand what you mean but you can still
be spiritual yes in the natural come on man come on and I'll just say one more thing because I see
this time wants to betray me but they'll give us a few more minutes I'll say this and this is just
a tip for you guys out there women when they're looking for men they're looking for risk takers
every human being is adventurous very true you're looking for a affirmative but someone takes a
risk by approaching you yes that's a risk but they don't then I don't know see every human being is
adventurous and every human being has curiosity society has been built in such a way that women
do not have the freedom to explore that you understand there are certain things and this
what you're saying there are certain things men can get away with women cannot get away with
but because curiosity is embedded in us it's part of our creativity to create the world that
god intended us to create women also have that and it's something that they can only trust their
men to help them explore not anyone else because with someone else they will be considered a hoe
they will be considered cheap they'll be considered whatever so if the man is not a risk taker if
you're not being like we said a man like come on talk to a woman and make her feel like a woman
you understand if you're not doing those things chances are some other guy and most times these
are the guys who people call bad boys will show up and say those things and show her that you can
actually explore this and I'm not saying bad things or negative things like drug abuse I'm just saying
bring out that side of her that just would love to be set free like come on what do what do what
exactly is it with women and bad boys because they say and do the right thing they say and do the
right things yeah they don't only that women don't marry bad boys unfortunately they will
marry the good guy and there's probably you know I think just like she said of this bad boy will say
whatever you want to hear exactly because they will not hide their intentions they will tell you
a b c d and this is where I am right now emotionally mentally physically but that's not what a good
boy will tell you or a nice boy so a nice boy will keep everything bottled in and expect you to know
so if the roles are reversed then I think it would be better and and even if he will tell you he
will tell you the Lord told me that you're the one yes really yet a bad boy is going to come the
Lord hasn't yet told me but then a bad boy is going to come and like you know Bella the way you
remind me of jaguars there's something about a black panther that you have that I need to explore
girl you know there's a way that God created us in that men are good with words um and and a guy who
can paint with words will get away with a lot of things and a lady who knows how to appeal
and we've talked about this yes ladies who have sex appeal which for me I think is actually a
spiritual thing man true I really think it is because you look at someone they don't have to
necessarily be dressed what someone would consider sexy but they just something about
is a je ne sais quoi
is a je ne sais quoi about and you see and you see the thing is um it's it's it's for me
the bad thing the bad boy thing like it's it's touched me in the heart and the reason is because
I fell in the category of what you'd call a good boy and I feel I feel like because you see
one thing you can be certain about is if you're to marry a good boy
yes he might be boring but you can be sure that there's some it's a stable relationship
you see let me tell you something about guys generally
the players are the ones who like the chase correct you know you know I will ladies used to say
they say I can't I can't tell him yes right away because then he'll think I'm cheap I'm cheap
you understand and the players around like the chase when a guy wants to marry you he's not
interested in a chase he just wants you he wants to settle down so if you like that guy
say yes
I think unfortunately for for the good boys and for a lot of women is they go through
the bad boy face that by the time the good boy they give a yes to a good boy it's because they are
tired of the bad boy using them over and over and now she just wants to and that's that's annoying
yeah that's unfortunate to the good guy because now he's getting no but let's be clear now you see
the girls who get married quickly are good girls no no no not necessarily not necessarily I think
I think what you I think what you're trying to mean is the ones who who can sustain a good marriage
or relate something like that but if it's for getting let's be clear a man will marry a marriage
material because you you're looking for wife not you'll be with a girl who is sleeping around
she's a bad girl what but guys don't think about marrying that girl you understand yeah there's a
particular kind of woman that a man will marry yes you understand yeah but a woman can go ahead
and marry a bad boy yeah eyes closed eyes closed and then you'll be there now we're still going
out and you see because and most times the reason why women will do that with bad boys
is just because they have some bit of money no it's not even just money no I was the mysterious and
the challenging and the way he makes me feel Robert let's let's ask no no no let's ask the lage
if there was a bad boy they're good boys with money wait wait we're demystifying this bit of the
bad boy if there's a bad boy and he has no money no absolutely not that's what I'm saying wait
there's something about no I don't believe that I don't believe that I don't believe that I don't
believe that we went to school when we went to school the but we were closed we're caged in a
school school but at the point but at school the bad boy was the cool guy exactly they're looking
cool they're looking cool was it was what was compensating for now when you're a man and
you're working you have money exactly so they were the ones who had the cool shoes the cool clothes
you know looked a certain way just a certain way it was like a show of money so you wouldn't
go out with a bad boy without money you don't even consider him I don't think there's a bad boy
where do you get the okay they're men who find their way okay so okay what about good boys with
money well most ladies good but unfortunately unfortunately for this you're saying that every
bad boy everyone with money is a bad boy which doesn't make sense no there's some good boys with
money yes there's some good boys with money and and all of that and they're handsome and tall and
everything that a girl would want not that short people are what
I'm just describing my okay okay friends in preference actually we're going to end this
with preferences huh yes so that good man might have challenges challenges when it comes to
communication like he mentioned he does not communicate effectively you don't tell me what
you exactly want but you expect me to know what you want and when you come to me you say the Lord
has said I don't want the Lord has said I want you to tell me what your vision with me is and where
you see us but then that that makes my point that actually even when you say money money is present
with a good guy and now you're looking at his communication so then the focus cannot be it's
on that it's it's on what I told you it's the beat of the risk taker we may not miss you understand
like the guy who just the guy who looks like he's he's random that's actually I think that's the
thing like the guy who looks random like there's just something about him you can't tell but you
know like with him yes you would experience something but this other guy mystery in your marriage
that's my issue it brings you mystery in your marriage one time a lady told me years back
that you see the problem with you is that you're too predictable
it still hurts like I know there are many people who've got under
apparently I'm too predictable but you see when you're settled down you want some predictability
because you get that mysterious bad boy who will be mysterious on you and unpredictable and you will
learn the hard way it ends in here it's called character development
we're one hour 19 minutes in so yeah roughly 21 okay no 11 okay we still wait
because you see the way I see it is that is that you know I grew up trying to understand
uh I remember in school I was the good boy so I I read my books you know you would never
never see me in any situation where you know I try to escape from school and all that or is there
but single dry you know yeah this other guy has been smoking with the entire he's black here
but you see him with this cheek that cheek that and that's what someone will find attractive
and then later I learnt it's not actually it's it's the confidence yeah it's yeah it's the alpha
we are cave women looking for cave men and cave men but you see confident but you see now
in the corporate world because I had a lady say this to me that you see when you get into the
corporate world and you start becoming you especially if you're in a male dominated
sector like uh well I don't know if media is nowadays ladies are quite a number but when
you're in a sector that is male dominated what will happen is that so she was telling me
you get in you work so hard to compete with these male guys and then at first you go in as a lady
but the way they start to treat you you start to toughen up so when you toughen up you become
a bit manly yeah yeah now you go you find a guy a good guy and the guy tells you I want my woman
to be woman woman I want her to be womanly and she was saying I've struggled throughout my career
to try to make it to the top I've toughened up and here I am some guy has come out of nowhere
and to say to marry me I have I have to be a lady he doesn't consider what I've had to go through
to be at the top of my hierarchy this is a man don't understand it you agree you agree you're
still soft you haven't got and you also realize that most women who end up at the top and become
that masculine they rarely get married I think it depends on on how you get to the top right
so for me where I am right now I'm a director of my own thing so I don't need to compete with other
men because yes we have a group of men in our organization but I'm still up there and I don't
have to now compete with them to get up there so I think that's why I still have my softness within me
and even when I have situations where I have to still climb another ladder to get to a certain
point I don't have to validate myself by shouting or being manly and you know I still do my role
the way I am because I can't change my softness that's the thing about me that
people have complained about but I can't change it have you have you ever been in a situation
where you feel you're being under looked simply because you're a lady yes a couple of situations
how do you deal with that I think two things is I either let people finish their conversations and
talk and then I talk later or what happens is I pull this person to the side and then have a
conversation with them and tell them how I felt once they did that and sometimes I don't prove
myself I just continue working and my results through my work will prove whatever it has to prove
so you because I meet a lot of ladies and you must have got this as well so you find
in a situation where well in the corporate world I met a lot of people who tell me my boss would
rather uh when you look at me always look at me as a baby or a girl and and and the ladies complain
about it but I don't know if it can be completely dealt with I know it's an issue I think for me
it has worked to my advantage because our our line of work requires you to be feminine to be
so you've used your femininity as a weapon mine has been yeah and did you know Maki did you
know as you're coming did you know that that uh that uh there's a certain frequency of a woman's
voice that can disarm a man do you know it's forget even the frequency there is a way you
compliment a guy and his face just changes like your hair finished like if it was possible you say
what do you want what do you want you want a car remember and it's biblical you see Esther that
says I'll give you up to half the kingdom yeah right people have died for that guy he's giving a woman
half the genius do you know when women sound similar on phone until you put a face to the voice
Jesus Christ but most times you'll you have conversations with guys you will just hear the
voice and ice okay okay until you see the face okay no you know but coming down to what you're
asking like in the society where a woman has to toughen up like that because of her career and
stuff like that and then she finds someone and the person is asking her to be what she used to be
not that she wasn't or she cannot be she used to be that but society in her career or whatsoever
or something that falls within our purpose had to make her that way to survive otherwise
you're kicked out you will not survive they will chew your life you need to keep your ground
so I think for me in such a case the advice would just be if you have someone or you've
met someone like that it would I don't think it would hurt for you guys to have a conversation and
tell your story you understand and make them understand where you're coming from that even
when I speak like this or when I act like this I'm not being disrespectful I'm not trying to undermine
you I'm not trying to be this or that okay because for most men that's really the issue
you're touching on their ego and that's the issue but just to tell them look this is not
it's because of ABCD okay so you can have and this is why there's no one should fit all for
marriages and relationships you need to find your own language something that works for the two of
you because all our environments are different the situations we go through are different our
histories are different so what worked for us might not necessarily work for you what worked for you
might not work for that and that's why for me communication is really like a key a key thing
whether you're married or planning to get married something but just learn to have conversations
and communication what what what I'm interested in is is asking Bella
asking asking Bella so so you have ambitions in life you have places that you want to go
as a as a woman and naturally there will be people there will be ladies who will look up to you at a
particular point and this is this is it cuts across surely like I said ladies go through
compromising situations for the sake of their jobs how to deal with it and I have to go back
to this because it's it's it's one of the I have a daughter and I pray Jesus would have come back by
that time in a situation where this is hypothetical where your your your boss is saying you either
sleep with me or you lose your job okay in a situation like that and I meet a lot of people who
I in the I don't have a man to take care of me I have siblings and so on and so forth companies
have rules and regulations of how to act and so why don't this is not your but why don't these ladies
ever speak out because for me I always feel like
I'm good I'm trying to stop myself from saying it's as simple as because it might not be simple
but this guy has done this to me okay uh I mean nowadays ladies are sharp they will have evidence
and worries be hybrid thanks thank god for cameras and all that stuff but why don't they speak
out I've met a lot of people even in church raped used but they die with the good thing inside
why why is that I think it's the expectations that people have of them so if I see Trisa is a
you know go get her and I know she's gotten her money from you know attacking things head on then I
know she's okay she can deal with her with her if that situation ever happened she can deal with it
because she's a strong woman right and in a situation where there is a polite humble girl
she would say okay I think people might think that I got to these places of course because the boss
you know had something to do with it or even in the church situation because I feel like
in those situations the man is dominant and they're using their power or that power that
they are supposed to be using for good they're using it to make someone feel inferior of themselves
and there's this thing called nurse narcissistic people who makes you dependent of them so you
cannot do away with their without their compliments they have to validate you if they don't then you
feel small or so even when you when you want to speak out you can't because you feel I can't
do this to this individual because you're always looking out for the good things at least they've
done so probably they they go to a flower or they sent you mobile and say at least he at least
and I think also also your head I think for me to answer that question I would say first of all
the enemy of a woman is okay because um most ladies who have attempted before to say something
they and let's say you've gone to HR or to a fellow colleague who is a woman and told them
hey boss try to hit on me and her first thought is not going to be how could he do that the first
thing they'll ask you is well did you do something to provoke it did you how did you dress how did
you dress how are you dressed what did you say so already they're trying to make it seem like it's
a woman's fault it's your fault it's your fault other the other portion or section of women might
be someone who's probably older than you or someone who has sort of some jealousy towards you
so already that or actually just you telling them that the boss is hitting on me how can they make
them jealous like why you know also some of them also some of them from what I've heard yeah they
went through it exactly and so they're like it's your turn it's really yeah yeah it's now your turn
you do what you have to do there is that and then the other reason why they might not speak out is
because unlike the western world here in Africa first of all it's it's quite an embarrassing
situation you might lose your job also depending on the kind of company it is if it's a private
company you risk getting fired if you don't get fired maybe let's say you've spoken out and it has
been brought to the HR it has been dealt with he has been sat down and you know they've told him
he's gonna go through repercussions if he tries it again now he's going to try and get back because
now you've ruined his ego so he's going to find every single wrong thing that you do until the day
you can't have it anymore and you you quit on your end so it's either you go through that long route
or you simply give in but how do you make these men respect you in like in your workplace how
do you just decide to become one of them or how do you maintain your balance of I'm the lady
how do you get them to respect you I think for me even with the gigs that I do where I'm meant to
act a certain way so for instance there's a gig I was doing and I'm you know walking around the
country showing showcasing hotels and now they want you to wear swimsuits that really show your body
and get into the water and wait for them they just say it's just just we are just showcasing
and I was I just told them you know let me just give you my two cents I don't do this one set I
don't yes I don't do this and this and I don't if you're okay with it but if you're if you're not
I'm going to get my first cabaco and I think they start between you know amongst themselves I said
okay you know what she's she's good at this she's good so let's keep her right and even if it's not
in those situations and it's like at my work workplace what I do is I don't familiarize with
people I work with okay I won't have weird conversations with you or allow you to
say take me to dinner don't leave someone yes yes so it's not dominion at all costs
no it's not no it's and I actually agree with her you have to be very principled because in our
online of work the media marketing entertainment these things are there drugs are there peer pressure
is on our rise so you have to be very principled you have to be because even these the rings they
don't they don't mean anything like I can tell you how many people like he can see you wearing a ring
but he's asking you if you can spend the weekend with him and I'm like but I'm married he's like
what does that that doesn't mean anything to me so nowadays these rings they don't mean anything to
they don't mean anything to anyone so you have to be very principled you have to be result oriented
because then again if you don't perform you're replaceable in a heartbeat so for them when you
actually perform and you have results there's a lot of respect that comes your way in our workplace
like your results they speak for you but also your principles they speak for you because you can easily
get drawn into man drugs are available the things that are sexual perversion is on like it's right
there it's right there like everything is right there so if you're not principled you go with the
wind we're about to wind up but how many minutes do I have there up to you it's up to me I'm the
boss but less than I think less than 10 minutes should be fine less than 10 minutes because I'm
finding this interesting in the perspective that nowadays even men are also assaulted sexually
by fellow men and and we find that other things like like you said men don't speak out
and this thing of you know what's what's plaguing our world generally there are three things sex
money and power those three but especially okay I don't know which is what sex sex yeah okay men
it's the biggest weekend cuts across both men and women both men and women I mean right now the biggest
concern is DNA
men sleep men and women sleeping around outside of their relationships outside of their marriages
how do you guys because you're born again christians and I don't know okay so you're born again christians
you see this stuff how do you remain sane how I just don't know because you see the bible says of
lot that in Sodom and Gomorrah the evil had reached a point where his very soul was vexed
and here you are you're walking amongst the very depths of some of these things and you come to
church and I think that where it says in the bible um it plays a big part um train your child
the way that he should go and he will not depart from it I think for me it has um helped me a lot
because I was raised in a certain way with certain values and it has helped me stay sane even when
everyone around you is just going crazy however christian and spiritual they might be so there
is that the values that I grew up with but also you as a person your principles your values I would hate
to see myself out there or know that I am sitting in my house and I know I have done a bcd you know
you've participated in orgies and all these things it's just despicable like as a person you have to
have you have to have respect for yourself you know it's something uh my boss usually tells us
like with all the money he has he respects and values himself so much that he would hate to find
himself in a newspaper being accused of having slept with multiple women or being in a sex scandal
because he respects himself much as he has the money to cover up for that so it's a principle
you know there are many delilas out there whoa what it's especially in that industry my my husband
usually says bombs will always be there just speak one and settle down with it
then I always just sing behinds man but the truth of the matter is behinds will never get
done in this world they're always there today and Uganda tomorrow you go to South Africa wow
you go to New York wow you go to feel wow you'll never stop saying wow just make up your mind choose
one like really know your identity know your papas and go for that money is not everything
honestly money is not everything at the end of the event though the bible says yeah it answers all
things but it's also the root cause of evil okay so it's it's really not i think for me in closing
it would just be like she said like know yourself have value for yourself understand don't don't
make yourself cheap understand your body is the temple of the lord and you're much more than what
you think you know you understand so the the one you're taking around and giving to every
tom joseph and mary and whatsoever it's much more than that there's there's much more than that so
know your value and if it's in a work environment be a performer don't try and take shortcuts don't
try and cover up for your shortfallings because those are the things that usually provoke that kind
of thing okay you want to pass i see you've been failing you can just do abcd just i mean
perform and perform do your part know your identity and finally though i have a question for you rabbi
what about this notion that men can't resist temptation what do you have to say about that
you know the bible has has so many guys that fail in temptation but we thank god that there
there's one who did not fall the bible says that joseph what he fled temptation and as long as there
is one example it means it is what it is possible and i hold on to that as a possibility in jesus
his name you cannot use the example he says lead us not into temptation you know i read somewhere
in provabs where the wise man is warning his son i says my son when you see the woman along the way
that woman that lies in the darkness turn around and run then he says oh she has brought down many
before you so you don't joke around with that thing uh man the devil is not sleeping and in
saying that just to close for somebody who wanted to feel like oh okay i'm not sure
when he says a woman has brought down many before you they're not talking about that particular
woman they're talking about the spirit of a woman yes and that is what for us defines what a man is
and what a woman is the spirit of the thing one day we shall actually touch because sometimes i think
women don't know how powerful they are they're like there's some things you'll never need to struggle for
i need a list
first of all just the just the voice the high pitched
hi daniel wow you're summing while rocking her hair and you know
i mean i mean i read but that that that in god has given each and every one of us inherent power
and this is why this conversation even though we've touched so many things draws back to one thing
purpose and identity correct knowing where god put you and where you're heading and now finally
as as as each and every one of us we're going to say something then close
what's your purpose as the lord revealed it to you where you're heading and for you specifically
who what kind of person would you want to help in the future as a helper i think for me i'm around
the areas of course media and also helping so if it is around the areas of helping leadership as
well so those are very very key points for me then the individual should be rotating around that
purpose and calling as well can you describe help her brother out there that we know we know
that you said money is important because height is important height is important
short guys i'm sorry speak plainly speak plainly and the rest the rest is mystery made the lord
reveal it to you what about you your purpose and the direction that where you want to be
a few years from now and if you could anything you would say to a lady out there that is struggling
with finding their purpose personally of course my purpose is in media and a bit of marketing
i've come to appreciate marketing but also business media marketing and business and
where i see myself a few years from now it's a three five years from now is you know having a
key voice in the media world and also being a business both a media and a business mogul
that is my vision and i hope that i'm able to attain it in this very corrupted industry
very corrupted world i give one piece of advice to someone who wants to enter the entertainment
industry a lady a lady you have to have a tough skin you really have to have a tough skin because
nowadays the media they're going to require you to open your legs to be to strip naked to show
your body to just do things that you would not conventionally do so you have to have a tough
skin you have to have your values in place thank god for social media thank god for the digital age
because nowadays you don't need to go to a tv station for you to become a tv personality or media
personality you have the internet you have social media you have the digital world so you're able
to attain it just by you know voicing your opinions doing what you love to do via youtube tick
talk all these avenues thank god for them so we are no longer boxed to tv station and you know
yeah so and um when it comes to the man oh it's right here i didn't ask you that question because
because it's all yes yes marky you fell for that she was just going to let it slide i think for me
papas i've said this uh again and again throughout the season because the season was about papas
for me it's basically just helping man and when i said man it's men and women to align and realign
their mindsets towards achieving their destinies and for me that's in line with my dream and vision
which every day i'm getting closer to which is becoming a billionaire because the idea is to
show people that we can actually do that and when i say we i mean christians we can be billionaires
and not use the mindset of the world that's you've reminded me of something who's your role model
what do you look up to right now nasi kachungera oh okay okay nice nice and bonang mateba okay okay
and what about you marky you don't mask you're masking yeah Jesus
good boy
anyway so we have to conclude this day ladies and gentlemen we could have gone on forever
but uh always remember do not awake and laugh before it's time god bless you see next time
you